Story in Between the Lines
by yuuram2fangirl
Summary: A random collections of one shots and musings... most angsty and Suzalulu centered. Chapter 9: Fate is a cruel thing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own Code Geass.**

 **Author Notes:** **Well….. this isn't a serious story but rather just kind of musings that keep on repeating in my head. Sorry for not updating the other stories but things have been hectic lately. So this is my way of showing I am alive.**

 _ **Proud, Kingly**_

When Suzaku first met Lelouch, both of them were very young. But Lelouch always seemed older despite being scrawnier and thinner than Suzaku. Suzaku reflected that there was a kind of wisdom _(a kind of understanding, horror, sadness)_ in his eyes that were only present in the eyes of elders like his father or in the eyes of people who carried the weight of the world on their shoulders.

But Suzaku had been able to chase away that haunted look from Lelouch's eyes for a few moments. _(he had gotten Lelouch to smile and laugh along with him)_

Then things took the turn for the worse.

Neither of them laughed or smiled anymore.

 _(how could he help chase Lelouch's demons away when he was sure that he himself was the Devil?)_

The last time he saw Lelouch was when he was sitting on the funeral pyre of his father _(on the death he had caused)_ and Lelouch looked at him with the same sorrowful eyes lit with determination.

"I swear Suzaku, I will destroy Britannia."

Suzaku wanted to shake his head, say something, anything to stop Lelouch from being consumed by his anger but he kept quiet.

 _(who was he to talk when he killed his own father to save his friends?)_

Lelouch is not as composed the next time he meets him. But there is still a touch of arrogance and pride in the way he stood.

Suzaku muses that despite Lelouch hating his father and Britannia he still couldn't deny that it was the same blood that flowed through him too.

Suzaku notices the way Lelouch acts at the Academy. Despite the various antics that Milly is always up to, Lelouch always seemed to maintain some semblance of cool and calmness.

 _(but his eyes still have the same sorrowful look Suzaku had first seen all those years ago)_

 _(but he does notice that in the presence of their friends the shadows in the violets eyes recedes and nearly disappears)_

 _(not completely but enough for him to be happy)_

As Suzaku watches as Lelouch sits atop the throne with an arrogant smirk and cold, cold _(yet still strangely sorrowful)_ eyes he cannot help but think that it was where Lelouch had always met to be.

It was what Lelouch had always meant to be.

A King.

Suzaku was sure that he was the only one even among their allies who could still see the defiant, determined and broken little boy he had befriended all those years ago behind the carefully constructed façade of the Demon Emperor.

 _(the boy that was tired of everything and just wanted it to end)_

 _(the boy with sad and sorrowful eyes that had just lost his mother and nearly his sister)_

Not the so-called Demon Emperor that didn't seem to care about all the death and destruction he caused or the amount of sons he had taken away from their mothers.

Suzaku was sure that it wasn't Lelouch vi Britannia the 99th Emperor he had forgiven but Lelouch his friend _(with sorrowful violet eyes)_

Maybe they were both one and the same.

But Suzaku knew that Lelouch never look more proud or kingly then the day he died.

 _(after all who else but a king could greet death with a smile just to save his people?)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own Code Geass.**

 _ **Two Sides of a Coin**_

Suzaku didn't love Euphie.

He loved the idea of Euphie. He loved the big heart she possessed. He loved the idea of a better and brighter future that she dreamt of. Suzaku loved the way she didn't judge him for killing his father. He loved the way she managed to find a silver lining of every dark cloud; the light in every dire situation.

She gave him hope.

He loved her traits, her kindness, her optimism but he didn't love her.

But men are an expert in fooling themselves into believing things they desperately wanted to be true.

Maybe the real reason he fought so hard to save Euphie _(to keep her safe),_ the reason he was filled with intense rage when she was killed- was not because he loved her but because her death also reflected the death of all his hopes.

 _(the death of his hopes of repenting, of making the world a better place to live in)_

 _(his hopes of salvation)_

So it was with little to no regret he continued to destroy _(himself and the people close to him)_ in the name of love.

 _(because her death also represented the death of his ideals and principles)_

He loved what she represented but he didn't love her.

Though, like all men, he was great at fooling himself.

* * *

Lelouch didn't love Shirley.

He loved what she represented. She represented a normal world- a safer world. A world where he and Nunnally didn't need to hide from their family and didn't need to fear anything. A world where they could be free.

He loved the way she was always there for everyone. He loved the way she stood up for others despite their background and heritage.

She chased away the darkness in him and kept him grounded.

He loved her kindness, her optimism and her open mindedness but he didn't love her.

But men were great at fooling themselves into believing things hey desperately wanted to be true.

Maybe the real reason he fought so desperately to keep her alive using his geass _(to keep her safe)_ was not because he loved her but because her death represented the death of his hopes.

 _(of a safe world- a world where he and Nunnally could stay together peacefully)_

So with her gone, he plundered and raided and killed _(adults and children alike)_ with no remorse and he did so in the name of love.

 _(because her death also meant the death of his morals and principles)_

He loved what she represented but he didn't love her.

Though he could fool himself to think otherwise.

* * *

Suzaku didn't love Lelouch.

Lelouch didn't love Suzaku.

They hated each other.

The first time they meet Suzaku ends up beating up Lelouch.

The next time they meet Suzaku indirectly accuses Lelouch of being a terrorist.

They meet when Zero arrives in time to recuse the innocent Suzaku with the motive of declaring himself to the world.

Then they meet in the Britannian headed Ashford Academy- exchanging cool glances and guarded smiles.

They also meet nearly every day on the battlefield with the intention to end the others life.

They meet when Nunnally is kidnapped by Mao and Suzaku's dirty little secret is revealed to Lelouch who looks shocked.

They meet when Lelouch goes to save Tohdoh and Lelouch is angry and disgusted by Suzaku.

They meet on Kamine Island with Lelouch using his geass on Suzaku to save himself.

They meet on the battlefield after Euphie's death.

They meet on Kamine Island once again and their guns and pointed at each other's heart.

 _(because that's where the source of their hatred is from)_

They meet again one year later at Ashford Academy with fake smiles and guarded eyes.

They meet on the school rooftop with Nunnally on Suzaku's side.

They meet on the battlefield.

They meet in the Mall with Shirley there to bridge the gap between them.

They meet on the grounds of Kururugi Shrine with hatred burning in Suzaku' eyes.

They meet again on Kamine Island, in the World of C.

They work together unwillingly.

They meet in the throne room as Lelouch gives Suzaku the mask of Zero and Suzaku doesn't even question if Lelouch really wants to die.

The last time they meet is as Suzaku- _no, Zero_ \- jumps on the float and pushes the sword though Lelouch expelling his hatred along with the worlds.

But like everything in the world, there are two sides of the story.

* * *

Suzaku didn't love Lelouch.

 _(he hated him)_

Lelouch didn't love Suzaku.

 _(he hated him)_

They hated each other.

 _(But they loved each other more than they could ever hate each other)_

The first time they meet Suzaku ends up beating up Lelouch.

 _(despite that, they had somehow managed to become best friends)_

The next time they meet Suzaku indirectly accuses Lelouch of being a terrorist.

 _(yet that didn't stop him from putting the gas mask over Lelouch's head or taking a bullet for him.)_

They meet when Zero arrives in time to recuse the innocent Suzaku with the motive of declaring himself to the world.

 _(and the ulterior motive of rescuing his best friend who had taken a bullet to save him)_

Then they had met in the Britannian headed Ashford Academy- exchanging cool glances and guarded smiles.

 _(but when they meet on the roof all wariness disappears and they smile like they were kids again)_

They also meet nearly every day on the battlefield with the intention to end the others life.

 _(not that they knew it. Maybe if they knew who was behind the enemy lines, they may have not been so eager to fight)_

They meet when Nunnally is kidnapped by Mao and Suzaku's dirty little secret is revealed to Lelouch who looks shocked.

 _(later Lelouch comforts Suzaku saying that he understands why Suzaku had done it and Suzaku doesn't tell Lelouch the actual reason he had killed Genbu was to save Nunnally)_

They meet when Lelouch goes to save Tohdoh and Lelouch is angry and disgusted by Suzaku.

 _(but most of all he feels betrayed and very, very sad that his best friend is fighting against him instead of with him)_

They meet on Kamine Island with Lelouch using his geass on Suzaku to save himself.

 _(but the only thought in Lelouch's mind when he activates his geass is not his own safety but saving Suzaku's life)_

They meet on the battlefield after Euphie's death

 _(this time with both sides aware of the enemy)_

They meet on Kamine Island once again with their guns pointed at each other's heart.

 _(because that's where the source of their love- of their weakness- comes from)_

They meet again one year later at Ashford Academy with fake smiles and guarded eyes.

 _(despite the fact that they didn't trust each other, neither of them could bring themselves to hate one another)_

They meet on the school rooftop with Nunnally on Suzaku's side.

 _(and despite that all Lelouch felt is relief that Suzaku was there to take care of Nunnally when he wasn't able to)_

They meet on the battlefield.

 _(and Suzaku hopes and hopes and hopes that Zero isn't the one he thinks)_

They meet in the Mall with Shirley there to bridge the gap between them.

 _(and Suzaku doesn't need Shirley to tell him to forgive Lelouch- he had already done so a long time ago with consciously wanting to)_

They meet on the grounds of Kururugi Shrine with hatred burning in Suzaku' eyes.

 _(but behind that hatred was desperation, sadness, betrayal and most of all love)_

They meet again on Kamine Island, in the World of C.

They work together.

 _(because, as Lelouch always says, no one could defeat them when they worked together)_

They meet in the throne room as Lelouch gives Suzaku the mask of Zero and Suzaku doesn't even question if Lelouch really wanted to die.

 _(but Suzaku had always been an open book and Lelouch could read all the pleas in his eyes. But Lelouch could ignore them. It was too late to back out now)_

The last time they meet is as Suzaku- no, _Zero_ \- jumps on the float and pushes the sword though Lelouch expelling his hatred along with the worlds.

 _(but at the same time there are tears flowing down his cheeks, sobs threatening to escape his mouth and- and)_

Suzaku didn't love Lelouch.

 _(He hated him)_

Lelouch didn't love Suzaku.

 _(He hated him)_

They hated each other.

 _(But they loved each other more than they could ever hate each other.)_

They hated each other.

But it doesn't matter.

After all, love and hate are the two sides of the same coin.

 **Author Note:** **Well, now I got that off my chest for now. I need to get around updating my other stories too.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own Code Geass.**

 **Broken Hearts**

"Do you regret it?" Suzaku looked up from his current assignment- who cares about tenses and conjugations anyways- towards Lelouch who was sitting on the opposite side of the table.

"Regret what?"

There were many things in life that Suzaku regretted; from getting into a fight with his mother before the accident that took her life and unable to say her I love you to not buying the jumbo pack size of chips that was on sale.

But he guessed that it wasn't either of those things that Lelouch was talking about.

"Leaving Euphie." The words were barely audible but Suzaku anyway caught it in the silence.

He pursed his lips at the sudden question. The way Lelouch stared out the window refusing to meet his eye and the way he clenched his fist didn't go unnoticed by him.

"Regret huh?" He said after a few moments of silence. He too turned to look out the window. This scene that was currently playing out seemed like it could have a dreary and rainy weather as the setting but it was surprisingly bright and sunny outside. But then Suzaku knew how deceptive the weather could be.

It was sunny the day his mother had died too.

Suzaku could feel Lelouch's eyes land on him but he didn't turn to meet his gaze.

"Of course I do regret it."

He heard Lelouch's quick intake of breath.

"I wouldn't be human if I didn't." Suzaku still didn't look at Lelouch preferring to keep his eyes locked on the ground outside.

"Then why did you-" Lelouch stopped and Suzaku didn't need to hear the end of the question to know what Lelouch was trying to ask.

"Break up with her? Get together with you?" He tilted his head upwards- still not looking at Lelouch- before continuing,"Because I think I would have regretted it even more if I hadn't."

"So you mean to say that you still love her?" Lelouch pushed on.

"I think a part of me always will. A small part of my heart will forever be dedicated to her you know." Suzaku grinned still avoiding Lelouch's eyes. Putting his hands behind his head he continued,"She was my first love after all."

And Suzaku knew that what he was telling was completely true. Euphie had been his first love. They had a good time together and a part of him would always be in love with her. But he would be in love with the Euphie who hadn't cheated on him.

"Then why did you-"

"Because even if I did love her with everything I had, it doesn't change the fact that she cheated on me." Suzaku let a sad smile take over his lips as he gazed at the white ceiling.

"But she did love you. Anyone could see that. _You_ could see that." Suzaku didn't know why Lelouch was persistent on this issue but he was glad that Lelouch was sharing his concerns rather than keeping it in and letting it brew.

"She might've loved me once upon a time but it was clear she wasn't in love with me anymore." Suzaku sighed. "If she was in love with me she wouldn't have cheated."

"She begged for your forgiveness didn't she? If you loved her why didn't you forgive her?" A million dollar question.

"Because love doesn't always mean forgiveness. It means knowing when to let go of a person." It was something he had learnt in the situation with Euphie. He now knew the difference between a letting a person you love go and fighting for the person you love.

Lelouch had turned silent. Suzaku sat up straight and looked at Lelouch. Rivalz might've hit him on the head for being so blunt and honest with Lelouch but he knew that with his boyfriend being truthful was the best bet. But it didn't change the fact that Lelouch looked upset; though it wasn't clearly visible Suzaku knew him well enough to recognise the look on his face.

It wouldn't do to have his boyfriend mad at him.

"It's time I revealed the truth though." At that Lelouch head snapped towards him as he looked at Suzaku apprehensively. Like he expected him to reveal that he still loved Euphie. Time to rectify that.

Leveling his gaze with Lelouch he smirked. "Truthfully, you make me glad she broke my heart."

Suzaku wished he had a camera as Lelouch's face underwent an array of emotions he normally would never dare show. Suzaku had to resist the urge to cackle like a small child when Lelouch's face went from shocked to embarrassed in two seconds flat.

"Don't sprout lies like that." Lelouch squeaked.

Suzaku smiled and shook his head. "Who said I was lying?"

Lelouch's face, if possible, turned even redder and Suzaku's smirk became wider.

"Whatever. Finish your homework first or else." Lelouch folded his arms and huffed splashes to red still decorating his cheek.

Suzaku smiled fondly as he gazed at Lelouch for a few moments before shaking his head and turning his attention back to assignment.

If he had any doubt about his decision before he was sure about it now.

Euphie might've been his first love but Lelouch would be his last.

And that was one thing he would never regret.

 **Author Notes: ****Something short and fluffy for a change.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Eclipse**

 _ **He was the sun to my earth but she was the moon moving between us dousing me in her shadow.**_

Lelouch was beautiful. Being the 11th prince of Britannia, he had a strong social standing and his brains put him in league with Schneizel. He had a mother who adored him and a sister whom he loved more than anyone else. All in all, he was near perfection.

She was kind and simple. Yes, she too was beautiful but in a more gentle girl next door way. She was the third princess of Britannia, she was destined to be a puppet to others whims. She had no mother and only a sister who protected her and whom she loved but who was too busy for her. All in all, she was as normal as royalty could get.

Yet _he_ chose her. And that made all the difference in the world.

The world told him, claimed that he was the most beautiful of all the Britannian heirs but it didn't matter because the only person that mattered to him thought that the gentle princess was more beautiful than him.

It hurt of course. Lelouch was to prideful to admit it but it still hurt. It hurt even though it shouldn't.

And he reflected how utterly, hilariously ironic it was that he fell in love with the only person who wasn't even a little bit in love with him. At least not in the way he wanted.

If his mother ever heard of it she would have narrowed her eyes and admonished him for such a weakness. So he made sure she didn't know about it.

His father didn't care about any of his children so Lelouch didn't even have to worry about him knowing. Schneizel may have had some idea but he never commented over it.

And Euphie and Suzaku were in their own little fairytale world. _(A world with no place for Lelouch_ )

The only person who knew about it was Nunnally. Lelouch could never figure out how did she find out about it, he had been oh so careful to hide all the evidence and he had been praised on his near perfect poker face.

But Nunnally had looked right through it.

 _(She had come up to him one day when he was star gazing- alone and without his best friend's normal presence beside him- and talked to him._

' _You love him.' It wasn't a question, it wasn't an accusation. It was a fact. The sun was bright and the stars were beautiful. A fact as simple as that._

 _He didn't try to deny it. He just let a small sad smile tilt up his lips as he closed his eyes to the night sky and let a sigh escape him._

' _And you are never going to tell him.' That too was a fact but it had an underlying tone of sadness to it._

 _They sat there until it the sun rose and the garden was illuminated by a new day._

 _They never talked about it ever again)_

He was enraged that he wasn't chosen despite being better than her.

He was disappointed that his best friend would forget so easily about him after he met the 'love of his life'.

He was terrified that he had lost his best friend forever.

He was angry at himself because he was the reason they both had met each other in the first place.

And most of all he was hurt. Hurt that he had everything he didn't want but could not have the one thing he needed. Hurt that his best friend had chosen her over him. Hurt that the person he loved didn't even know that he held the princes heart in his hand.

He wanted to scream, cry and throw a tantrum and claim what was his. He wanted to act as unprincely as possible and shout out his love for his dense best friend.

But Lelouch was clever, beautiful and proud.

And he loved both of them too much to ruin their happiness.

So he kept the smile on his face as he gave Euphie away to his best friend and the only person who would ever hold his heart.

 _And he managed not to cry when he gave away the only thing that mattered to him and maybe that's why he was perfect._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.**

 **Author Notes: This is a dark one.**

 **Best Laid Plans**

 _ **"If no one is happy is it really a victory?"**_

Of course Lelouch thought he was clever. And Suzaku had to admit that his best friend was, in many ways, cleverer than most people. He was also a visionary.

But above all he was a human.

And humans are flawed if nothing else.

He should've known that this would happen. Maybe he did know, maybe he expected this to happen the moment Lelouch revealed his plan to him. But the reason he hadn't said anything was because he knew Lelouch would not listen to him.

 _(Or maybe because he no longer cared about what happened to the world)_

Now the world was crumbling around them.

Lelouch had thought that his death would bring the people together. But he had underestimated the greed of the world. And the hatred they held for any close relative of the 99th Emperor.

Euphie might have been named as the 'Massacre Princess' and been cursed all around the world for her cruelty, but Cornelia still wielded a healthy amount of respect from most of the people around her. Maybe it was because of her military career or maybe it because she shown no interest in ruling over Britannia.

But Nunnally had no such shield to hide behind.

She was the Demon Emperor's' sister and technically his successor; as Lelouch wanted her to be. But people would not accept it. Maybe in an ideal world the people would have thought twice and come to realise that she had opposed her brother and maybe she wasn't bad like him and maybe, just maybe she could bring the peace they all wanted.

But ideal world doesn't exist any more than perfect people do.

Suzaku could only stand there in frozen horror as everyone rushed in to free the prisoners before one of them turned towards the main float and noticed Nunnally hunched over her brother's corpse sobbing.

"She is the Demon's sister!" The man shouted. And like a domino effect everyone's gazr turned towards Nunnally who was oblivious to everything around her.

Kallen's eyes widened in fear as she looked at Zero. She started shouting something's Suzaku could make out something about no, don't, she isn't like him- but he couldn't be sure. All he knew was that the crowd who had been focused on letting loose the prisoners had now shifted their attention to the girl hugging her brother's body and begging him to come back.

And Suzaku could suddenly see and feel the shift in people's eyes as they slowly advanced towards. Kallen who had been shouting at them to stop just few moments ago had gone silent and deathly pale as she stared at him- like she was waiting for him to do something.

He shifted his gaze to Kallens right and caught sight of Cornelia.

And he understood why Lelouch called the Royal Family cold and heartless.

He would have expected Cornelia to do something. He was sure that she could feel the bloodlust of the crowd as well as who it was directed towards but she just stood there with a smile on her face.

The smile by itself was terrifying. It spoke of revenge and hatred and triumph and smugness without even a hint of remorse.

She knew that Nunnally was going to be killed and was happy about it because Lelouch deserved it.

Suzaku knew he should swipe down and save Nunnally. Take her away from here until things calmed down. That was what Kallen was trying to convey with her desperate gaze. But when he tried to go down the ramp he found himself frozen in his spot.

Blinking he tried to move only for his body to resist. His eyes widened as he realized what had happened. His- Lelouch's- Geass had activated. This cannot be happening. He was now supposed to free after Lelouch's death. He wasn't supposed to still be bonded to his best friend through this accursed power.

The power that was currently stopping him from saving Nunnally life.

He stood there in horror as the crowd descended upon Nunnally like vultures. Her sobs had turned into screams and by the time the crowd was done with her, her body parts were separated and being burnt in bonfires. Even Lelouch's body had been torn apart by the crowd and burnt.

Suzaku recalled CC telling him about the witch trials she had to go through where they burnt her. Of course she was always burnt in whole and she would always return. But there would be no return for the girl whose life Lelouch had fought for.

Nunnally was dead and Suzaku was free of his obligation.

 _(Not free to die however)_

 _(Never again)_

 **Author Notes: Not a happy ending.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own Code Geass**

 **Author Notes:** **Musing.**

 _ **Her Boys**_

Suzaku was, according to CC, a bundle of hypocrisies. She hadn't thought about that strange boy for long but she did remember the first impression of him being 'a knight in shining armour'. But she had lived for far too long and saw too many things to actually believe in knights in shining armours. At the most she could hope for was a truthful person who didn't try to hide his colours.

 _(A bad man would mask his words, manipulate you, play with you before killing you but a good man would kill you within a second without even making a sound)_

CC isn't really surprised when she sees him at Ashford Academy. She is too old to be surprised by the change in his character.

 _(She has seen more people change more drastically and more often, for the worse)_

 _(She has yet to understand if he changed for the worse of better)_

She remembers seeing him with Lelouch nearly 8 years ago and she remembers how he was.

Lelouch tries to hide his good intentions under the veil of selfishness and justice while Suzaku hides his selfishness under the veil of good intentions and moral obligations.

 _(A bundle of hypocrisies)_

Lelouch was not as half as complex as Suzaku. His strategies may be complex and he may be impossible to beat but as a person it was easy for CC to see through him.

 _(He was his mother's son in only a very few ways. She didn't remember Marianne caring for anyone except herself as much as he seemed to care about others)_

And care he did.

Or else why would he have saved Suzaku _(hiding it behind the reason that Zero had to take credit for the assassination)_ or erase Shirley's memories instead of killing her? _(giving CC the reason that he didn't want to cause unnecessary bloodshed apparently forgetting the Narita incident)_

But she did admit that he only cared for a selected amount of people.

Suzaku was passionate. Lelouch was too. But Suzaku acted out on his emotion rather than using his head while Lelouch though it out a hundred times before attempting anything.

 _(The only times CC had seen Lelouch abandon his logic is when the people he cares about are involved)_

 _(And that mostly involved Nunnally, Suzaku and even Shirley)_

But CC guessed that it was for the best. Maybe this time the apple had fallen far away from the tree.

Or maybe the tree itself had pushed the apple away from it.

Suzaku was _selfish_.

No matter how much he tried to act like what he did was for the sake of others it always led back to him.

CC might've met many people like Suzaku in her existence.

 _(hypocrites, selfish, suicidal)_

She also met many people like Lelouch in her existence.

 _(clever, ruthless, selfless)_

But she had never seen those two types of people collide as they did.

 _(And when they collided the world was a dazzle of dark colours that seemed to tinge everything around them in a shade of red)_

 _(it was more vibrant than anything CC had ever seen before)_

 _(it took her breath away)_

They were a symphony all by themselves and when they came together she held her breath and waited for something to happen.

 _(because none of their meeting were without a purpose)_

 _(despite its simple exterior each meeting held more emotions and a battlefield nothing like she had ever witnessed before)_

Marianne was cocky.

She was a clever woman; a very clever and manipulative one but she was over confident.

 _(CC had to admit that she was even cleverer than Charles and they both fit together like two pieces of a very twisted jigsaw puzzle)_

 _(but the same could be said of Suzaku and Lelouch)_

 _(Only their jigsaw puzzle was more twisted and so much more complex and beautiful then Marianne's and Charles could ever be)_

Marianne was extremely sure that she alone held the highest place in her son's heart.

Maybe second to Nunnally yet still a high enough lace that no one could knock her down.

 _(Yet Suzaku Kururugi had done exactly that)_

 _(Without the knowledge of Marianne and Lelouch himself)_

Suzaku might be hot headed but he wasn't a fool.

 _(Infact he could be as smart as Lelouch if he wanted to be)_

He wasn't the one for strategy and planning but he knew what words to use and how to nudge others in the right direction.

 _(and that- CC guessed- was why they worked so well in tandem together)_

Lelouch was a great leader and a clever man.

But he had one weakness.

He was human.

He may be a sociopath in all sense of world but inside he still cared about the people he went against; about the lives he unwittingly took.

At the end of the day, it took Suzaku Kururugi to push him towards the future they both dreamed about.

 _(CC knew that she had no part in motivating him)_

 _(The only reason she encouraged him to continue is to get her work done)_

 _(and even that reason is beginning to sound weak to her ears)_

Nunnally might have been the reason he was doing all of this but Suzaku was the main source of his strength.

 _(She had to admit that the Fenette girl was on to something when she said that people fought with the power of their hearts)_

But it didn't change the fact that Suzaku was a lot more complex than Lelouch could ever be.

Because Lelouch could be a manipulative bastard but he was ruled by logic

 _(which could be predicted)_

Suzaku kept on changing his colours like a chameleon and CC doesn't know whether to trust him when he joins them at the end.

 _(Lelouch may be naïve enough- hopeful enough- to let him join them but CC is on her guard)_

She has learnt not to trust people the hard way and she will do everything she can to protect Lelouch from another betrayal

 _(There's only so much deception a human heart can take after all)_

Hypocrite or not, Suzaku was the best thing that happened to Lelouch.

He was also the worse.

But in the end CC guessed it didn't matter.

As she sat, praying, to a God who had abandoned her, she understood something.

 _(No matter how different they both were, they were both so tightly wound together that the destruction of one would lead to the demise of other)_

 _(And that was exactly what was happening now)_

The reason she didn't need to see what was happening because she knew exactly how the scene would play out.

She knew both of them well enough to imagine their reactions

 _(Lelouch with a smile on his face while Suzaku hid his tears behind the mask)_

In the end, they were her boys no matter how ruthless or hypocrite they were.

 **Author Notes:** **Made no sense by the end.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own Code Geass.**

 **Author Notes:** **A KaLuLu drabble this time. Angsty and sad.**

 _ **Mouth Full of Lies**_

"Maybe I loved you." Kallen froze and stared at the blank facade that Lelouch was sporting.

"What?" She sat up straight, the rickety old wooden chair digging into her back. Her hands were handcuffed together and she was anyways too surprised to fight.

"I do not like to repeat myself Kouzuki." Lelouch's tone was cool and there was nothing in it that betrayed the fact that he had just confessed to her.

Kallen reflected that this might be the most unromantic situation to confess in but this was Lelouch. While she conceded that he was a brilliant strategist and am amazing leader she had to admit that he was completely hopeless when it came to things like this.

"I am not sure I understand what you said." Kallen pursed her lips.

"I am sure that I spoke in English and not French though I am sure that an ex- high ranking Britannian like you would have already taken lessons in French." Lelouch dry humor didn't seem to be lacking though Kallen could still feel the difference.

While a year before (with the Student Council) it was more of amused retorts now it had a sharp edge to it like it was meant to hurt.

And hurt it did.

"I am sorry Your Highness but the fact that you said you might've lo- had feelings for me is a little bit hard to digest when you ordered your Knight to destroy me." She matched his tone with a sassy one of her own. The Black Knights might've been defeated by him but there was no way she was going to bow down to him.

She felt a vicious sense of satisfaction when he scowled at her. She had managed to get a reaction of him.

"But you came out victorious didn't you?" His face had slipped back into the blank mask and Kallen frowned. While it was true that she had won against Suzaku it was just barely.

"Yes…. But you couldn't predict that could you?" Kallen questioned before her eyes widened. "Or did you already know that I would win and yet pitied Suzaku against me?"

She felt even sicker when Lelouch didn't meet her stare but turned his head and pursed his lips.

"You killed your best friend just so you could win?" Her voice sounded hollow even to her.

"He betrayed me to the Emperor so I think this is getting even." The look on Lelouch face was unrepentant and Kallen wondered how she ever fell in love with him.

Or more importantly, how was she _still_ in love with him?

"You are sick." She managed to grind out as she tried not to let the tears spill. "You are-" She just shook her head as words failed her.

He didn't say anything but continued to sit and stare at her.

"I want to go back to the holding cell." She stood up after a few moments of silence still not looking at him.

"I meant what I said." He said as she neared the door. She didn't have to ask to know what he was talking about. It seemed like they had come a full circle in their conversation.

So she did the only thing she could.

"It's bad to say 'I love you' with a mouth full of lies."

Break her own heart.

With those parting words, she left, without turning back.

If she had turned she would have seen him look down at his hands. "I think I have run out of lies to tell."

But she didn't and the next time she sees him on top of the float as the sword impales him. For an instance their eyes meet and she then knows that that was one thing he hadn't lied about.

But it was too late for her, for him; for _them._

So she did the only thing she could.

"I love you too."

Bury her heart along with his body.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.**

Milly didn't know what to make of the serious young prince and his smiling yet handicapped sister who had recently joined them.

She, as a curious young child, had heard about the atrocities of the war though she never witnessed it herself. Her grandfather had explained to her about how the world worked and while she didn't understand everything he said she got the gist of it.

She knew that the Prince and Princess were just another casualty of the war.

The first time she met them face to face the thing that struck her the most and stayed with her long afterwards was the resemblance of her grandfather and the prince's eyes.

While Lelouch had violet eyes her grandfather had blue eyes but the tiredness and sadness was deeply ingrained in them and despite the age difference Milly thought that he seemed more similar to Reuben than to her.

But Milly was a stubborn person and she hated seeing anyone sad.

 _(With was ironical since she herself was a cynical person though she hid it quite well and was able to even convince herself that it was true)_

For her Lelouch was like a small brother whom she annoyed and tortured yet who was always there for her when she wanted to talk.

At least that's what she wanted to say.

But she knew that what she felt for him wasn't affection one often felt for a sibling but something more. And she couldn't blame herself. He was the perfect Prince Charming with his looks and also the perfect partner for her with his cracked soul.

She also knew that there was no way she could ever have him.

He saw her as an annoying elder sister and she did nothing to dissuade him from that notion. She knew that he was too hurt, too broken to even think of love and the only person who may get his full love would be his sister.

But she didn't understand what went wrong when he sat on the throne with an arrogant smirk on his face that looked more cruel than amused.

She had always been afraid that his thirst for vengeance that his hatred that he kept bottled up would one day bubble up to the surface and cause him to do something stupid and reckless but even she could not have predicted this.

She had once been sure of the fact that whether or not his love her and other of their friends was true, his love for his sister would never falter. And yet he sat on the throne as he led the execution parade.

She barely kept herself from screaming as Zero pushed the sword into his chest. She stood in frozen horror as he slid down the float towards his sister. The rest of the crew was also frozen in surprise but she could feel the tinge of hope in the air.

Hope of freedom from a tyrant.

It made her feel sick.

But Lelouch closed his eyes and she knew that the scene of Nunnally burying her face in her brothers' blood-soaked clothes as she cried for him would forever be etched in her memory.

But more than that the purple eyes that were always full of misery and determination would haunt her dreams for days to come.


	9. Chapter 9

**Fate**

Suzaku always thought that they were merely the play things of fate and destiny. It was like a game of cat and mouse.

Every time he and Lelouch came close to attaining happiness, it was all pulled away from them.

They were both happy for the first 9 years of their life.

Then Lelouch world crashed and burnt.

But Suzaku's was still spinning and he helped Lelouch glue back his.

But then Suzaku's world crashed and Lelouch had been too broken to help Suzaku fix his pieces.

Then came the period of hell in Suzaku's life

 _(though he would anytime go through the physical pain to avoid the emotional one)_

Lelouch had his brief time of happiness with the Ashford Academy.

 _(and though the sorrow never left his eyes his shoulders were a bit lighter as he laughed with his friends)_

But it was time for the clock to start ticking.

Suzaku got his moment when he piloted the White Knightmare.

Lelouch got his when he killed Clovis.

But Suzaku's world was falling apart as they accused him of murder and there was no way Lelouch would sit by and let it happen.

 _(not again)_

The Gods loved to play games.

Euphie enters his life and everything is great.

He has friends, he is reunited with his best friend and he is a Knight for the princess he adores.

Lelouch becomes Zero and everything is going smoothly.

He is in a position to protect his friends and to bring down the Britannian Empire.

But as the saying goes,

The bigger they are the harder they fall.

Lelouch and Suzaku's worlds both crash for good on the same day.

The day of the SAZ Massacre.

This time there would be no one to help them fix back the pieces.

 _(after all, when the person who fixes the pieces is the one who broke you there is nothing you can do)_

And so they go for the thing they do the best.

Hide their emotions and concentrate on their hatred to hide their sadness.

 _(Suzaku is sure that it isn't he who is the demon but Lelouch and not him)_

 _(that it because of Lelouch that his world crashed and burned)_

 _(and if you repeat the lies long enough it eventually becomes the truth to you)_

So it was fate's cruel hand that had them facing each other with a gun locked on each other's hearts.

 _(as Lelouch plans are unraveled fates plans was just starting)_

Then a period of rest.

 _(Lelouch blissfully unaware of his destiny and Suzaku bearing the burden of knowing more than he wanted to)_

 _(along with the burden of betraying his best friend)_

 _(but he convinced himself that Lelouch is wrong- he may not be right but Lelouch is wrong)_

Fate gets bored and decides to begin the game once more.

This time the stakes are higher and neither are playing to lose.

And Zero returns from the dead; glorious in his triumph over the geass put on him.

 _(he ignores the anger in his blood pumping through his veins as he thinks of the person who shattered his world)_

 _(now is not the time)_

This time there is no fair play.

There is no more pleas for understanding, requests of coming to the other side.

There are only cold hearted calculations on how to break the other.

 _(and its Suzaku who strikes first with one phone call to the Vice- to Nunnally)_

 _(and Lelouch does find it awfully funny that of all the people it's the one person he loathes for taking his dear sisters place that makes him stand up once again)_

He finds it ironic that his wish from so long ago _(from another life, another time)_ is being fulfilled now.

 _(Suzaku is now the one guarding Nunnally)_

 _(and despite the anger than blinds his vision his heart is glad that it is Suzaku who guards his sister)_

 _(because he knows that the only person who will take better care of her than him is Suzaku)_

They were neve destined to be heroes.

They were fated to die.

It was as simple as that.

 _(But they had to walk a path of tragedy and betrayal to understand that)_

 _(they had to grow up to accept that)_

And grow up they did; with the knowledge that changed their child like wishes into an old man's burden.

But their shoulders were strong as they took the weight of the world on them.

 _(maybe it helped that the other was shouldering half the weight)_

But Fate is cruel as Suzaku noted and it isn't more apparent than the day when he holds the sword in his hand and faces his best friend who has a smile on his face as he is ready to die

 _(and he doesn't know how he can still cry for the person who destroyed him so thoroughly)_

 _(how can he cry for someone who doesn't deserve his tears)_

But he realizes that he doesn't deserve the trust that Lelouch placed on him by giving him the mantle of Zero and maybe both of them don't deserve happiness.

 _(but the others do and it is for them that they sacrifice themselves)_

 _(because someone had to be the messiah; to save the world from their sins)_

 _(and it is ever so appropriate for the person who destroyed the world to create it anew)_

And because the Fates were cruel Suzaku was sure that there would be a time where he would meet Lelouch once again

 _(and he could only hope that then they would both know better than try to destroy each other)_


End file.
